Wednesday, 30 January 2013

Things Kenya Has Taught Me...

Being here on my own in Kenya is great because I'm challenging myself daily and getting all independent at the grown up age of 28. All the things that are so easy for me back home are things I have to face here with gusto and creativity.

For example, if I need to wash my clothes, there's no washing machine, so things get hand washed (OK so I've decided to help the Kenyan economy by PAYING someone to hand wash it for me - is that so bad?).

I'm not much of a cook back home, the boy tends to do it all because he enjoys it more than me and it's a good way to avoid Crazy Katie coming out when she burns the rice and throws the pan through the kitchen window. So, when I was introduced to my new stove (I've called him Steve)...
Hi Stove! I'm probably going to kill you...
... I knew it probably wouldn't end well. Probably because I was told 'to light it, just hold the lit match against the gas tank and switch it on. SORRY, WHAT?!

Me and Steve the Stove are getting on ok, most nights I pick at stuff rather than having a full meat as it's just too damn hot to eat hot food.

So far I've learnt the following here:

* You can boil water in the microwave, I honestly didn't know this but I've found it a good way to get water when I'm in a mood with Steve and don't feel like torching myself.

* 'Make love' sounds an AWFUL lot like 'my club' in a Kenyan accent. Use your listening skills at all times, people but especially on a busy matatu when the guy asking you for a drink is drunk.

* I REALLY cannot dance. I mean, after a few tequilas, I think I can dance, but in reality, I cannot dance one tiny little bit compared to the women here. Might as well have more tequila then...

* Ants can find ANYTHING that you don't clean up. I am having to be the tidiest I've ever been in my apartment, that's probably a good thing

* Green bananas are plantains and are not sweet bananas. This is especially annoying when you think it's just an under-ripe yellow banana and persevere only to be rewarded with HORRIBLE HORRIBLE SAVOURY BANANA FAKER.


* Do NOT mention God in a conversation here unless you have a good few hours to listen to your opponent new friend express his views.

* Factor 40 is not strong enough, fetch the cement!

Conclusion: despite it all, I love it here.

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