7 things you DON'T want to hear your safari driver say...

I've been lucky enough to have been on a few different safaris in my life so far and it's such an amazing feeling waking up in the morning knowing all you have to do that day is spot animals and eat a buffet lunch, then sip a beer in the evening as the sun sets while you watch the animals at a nearby watering hole...

... What was I saying? I started day dreaming on a major scale there...

I've been to:

* Shimba Hills Reserve
* Tsavo East
* Tsavo West
* The Serengeti
* Lake Nakuru National Park
* Lake Naivasha National Park
* Ngorongoro Crater - Amazing!

I am desperate to get to the Masai Mara and Amboseli but there's plenty of time for that...

Anyway, here's a few things you NEVER want your safari driver to say...

1. "Ah shoot, I forgot my glasses"

Essentially, what you see on your safari depends on two things; luck and your driver's eyesight. So if your driver isn't wearing his glasses... get ready to see a whole lot of nothing!

2. "Here we have a giraffe... oh wait, that's a dead tree"

Hmmm if your safari driver can't spot the difference between a dead tree and a giraffe, be worried.

3. "Don't panic, but we've run out of fuel"

It's getting dark, there are no other vehicles on the roads in sight and you're at the side of the road with an empty tank... what are those things shining in the distance? Are they eyes???

4. "Have you seen the way out?"

Safari parks are big. There are lots of roads that wind round and around. If your driver asks this question, just laugh nervously and look out the window and assume it's a joke.

5. "Don't panic but I can't close the roof and a cheetah/leopard/bird of prey is about to get in the truck"

Sometimes there will be animals on top of your safari vehicle. You do NOT want to hear these words from your guide.

6. (Looking at a lion) "I've never seen one of those before"

Err. That's a lion. Who did you train with again?

7. (Around the campfire before you're about to sleep in the wild. In a tent.) "The last time I was here, the funniest thing happened, this LION was under our truck when I got up in the morning".

Yeah this one happened when I was camping in the Serengeti. Just what you want to hear before going to sleep hey?

Good night!