What I hate about tourists...

If there's one thing that bugs me about tourists, it's how much they stick out.

I know some things can't be helped; for example, my skin feels luminous when I'm in Mombasa and I can't help but stick out... but there are things I do to try my very best to blend in:

* Not wear skimpy shorts and string tops in rural villages
* Learn as much of the local language (and use it as much as possible)
* Not shout when I'm angry

Err... like I say, blending in... ANYWAY

You know what REALLY pisses me off when I'm abroad?

Seeing a money belt. There's something about money belts that just make me see red, I HATE them. I'm talking about those really ugly beige affairs that wrap around tourist bellies... URGH.

I know there are opportunists abroad who might try and steal from you, but don't those people exist back home too? I don't wear money belts walking around Leeds, so it offends me when I see people wearing them overseas. Please don't assume everyone overseas is out to get you! In some places you're actually under less of a threat than in your home town!

I can somewhat understand backpackers wearing them as they're carrying their lives around with them, but I still think if you act in an obvious way then it makes you more of a target.

Take my handbag for example, whenever I go abroad I take the tattiest handbag around with me. It's a few steps up from a beach bag and it's made of cheap fabric. It looks like I couldn't give a shit about what is inside the bag. My (possibly wrong) theory is that if I LOOK like I don't care what's in there, someone will be less likely to think there's anything worth stealing in there.

Make sense? Completely insane? Perhaps. But it has worked for me over the years and (fingers crossed) I've never been the victim of bag theft or any kind of theft.

Now remember, I'm talking about if you're walking around a city/beach destination... I'm not talking on the road long term travel, but it could apply to that too! If you make yourself a target inadvertently, you ARE a target.

4 Annoying types of people I meet on my commute everyday...

I think I've written about how much I hate my commute before... I really do try to laugh at it as much as possible and luckily I only have an eight minute train journey twice a day, I don't know what I'd do if it was longer...

It's like sometimes I'm surrounded by MORONS. Seriously. Here's a few types I meet everyday...

The jerk who thinks it's ok to put their bag on the seat
Yes YOU I'm looking at you. It's 8.15am, the busiest part of the day and this guy thinks it's fine to take up two seats with his bag. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realise your bag was a person and therefore entitled to a seat! I do apologise!
I change my mind daily about whether to embarrass them and call them out or just to walk on by and find an empty seat, depends on my mood. What rattles me the most is when the guilty part look up at you in surprise when you ask them to move their bag, like they thought they had the train to themselves. JERKS.

The keen bean
You know the type, they have the seat by the window, you've just got comfortable and they ask if you can move so they can get out. There's a good six minutes until we arrive into the station but they need to get up NOW so that they can get down to the serious business of STANDING BY THE DOOR and getting ready to get off the train. Never mind the fact that the train has just left the previous station. Jerks.

The door blockers
Oh hey! I'm on the train and I'd like to get off the train and get on to the platform please but I can't because YOU'RE IN THE WAY WAITING TO GET ON THE TRAIN. I don't know if this is the first time you've ever got on a train in your life, but they way it usually works is that the peeps on the train get off so that your lovely self can get on the train. Want me to run you through that again? Jerks.

The 'oh no where's my ticket, I had it a minute ago' w@nkers' 
Let me ask you something, dear commuter... why is it that you go through the ticket barriers every day, but it seems that every day they come as such a surprise to you? Why do you wait until you're right at the barrier before rummaging in your bag/pocket/wallet for your precious ticket? Jerks.

Phew! That felt therapeutic, have I missed any other types?

Just saying...

Something has been playing on my mind recently and I feel like I need to get it out to see it in words...

I like myself.

Not in a conceited way, or an I-fancy-myself way. But for the first time in a looooooong time, I'm happy with the person I am and where I've come from and what I am now.

I have an amazing husband, I have amazing family, my friends are second to none and I'm in a job I seem to be good at.


I don't have a cat but I'm working on that.

I keep busy, I learn something every day, I notice the beauty in everyday things, I like meeting interesting people, I still hate going to the gym, I'm always going to be cuddly, I tell jokes, I have an annoying laugh, I have plans in the pipeline, I'm going on holiday on Saturday.

That's me right now.

I'm more patient, less stressed, calmer and generally more level headed since coming back from Kenya. Possibly because I have more of a sense of perspective and priority.

But let me just say this. 

I get along with everyone. I don't care what your age is, what gender you are, what colour your skin might be, what religion you choose to follow... but if you choose to put me down or make me feel less than the person I am, I don't want to know you. I have no reason to try and get along with you or try and make you a better person.

There are so many other people in the world who have it harder than you, you're just making your life harder than it needs to be and you know what? LIFE IS TOO SHORT FOR THAT.

So there. *Sticks tongue out*

3 questions not to ask me...

Oh my days. It's as if I never left this country and went to live in Kenya for three months. I can feel myself getting absorbed back in to 'normal' life here and that's not good.

There's a black cloud over my head today that I can't shift. Normally I try to be the most positive person I know, but it's hard today.

Want to know why? People insist on asking the most STUPID questions about my time abroad and I can't even try to sum up how amazing the experience was in the small window of time people have for me to answer. I feel like I'm on COUNTDOWN.

If you really want to know what it was like to live in Kenya, give me at least an hour. Let me sit down somewhere with a projector and speakers and play you a video. Let me wax lyrical about the people, the food, the weather, the transport, the music, the nights out, the days in, the hangovers, the highs, the lows, the food poisoning... all of it.

But whatever you do, don't ask me any of the following... I am allowed to punch you if you do.

1. "Where's your tan?" This is my number one shortcut to punching you square in the face. Look at me. I'm English. I'm not Spanish, Italian, Greek. I'm English. In short, I burn, I peel and then I go back to this same pasty, pale shade you're looking at right now. Me and Nicola Roberts are the same. You know, her from Girls Aloud.

I am SO over it. What I'm more interested in is how the experience has changed ME INSIDE. You really think I care about getting a tan when I'm surrounded by the most interesting people I've ever met? Oh hold that thought, let me instead go and lie on a beach bed and stare at the sun while it attempts to cook me alive and miss out on other experiences.

All the above comes from the fact that I'm bitter about the fact that I can't tan of course, but it really is such a stupid thing to say to someone, especially when skin cancer is such a risk from sunbathing. I'd much rather come home paler than be at risk from skin cancer thank you. *reaches for fake tan*

2. "Is it safe there?" It's 2013, Kenya is not run by SAVAGES. They have MALLS, CARS, WIFI (albeit, shockingly slow...) PIZZA OVENS,  MOBILE BANKING. Most of all, they have community, people talk to each other, people know each other (gasp!) and I feel a hell of a lot safer on the streets of Mombasa than I do in Leeds. Yes there is crime, but show me somewhere that there isn't and I'll move there right now, you watch me. Help me carry this box of wooden souvenirs.

3. "What are you going/do you want to do now you're back in England?" OH I DON'T KNOW. ALL I WANT TO DO AT THE MOMENT IS SIT AT THE WINDOW AND HOWL AT THE MOON AT THE INJUSTICE OF IT ALL. I miss my cat, I hate that he got put to sleep, I hate that it's cold, I hate having to wear TIGHTS over my new tattoo while it is healing. I hate going to the supermarket. I want to go back to Kenya. THAT'S what I want to do now I'm back in England. Instead I have to get a job and shiver.

So, like I say, settling in back home is going pretty well. You have been warned, I WILL punch you square in the face if you ask me any of the above.

Adapting to living in England again...

I've mostly been wearing sleeves and tights, I haven't had to think about those things for a few months.

Things that are nice about being home:

• Being with The Boy (of course) I missed him a fair bit
• Snuggling! I love snuggles! There was no snuggling when we were both in Kenya, it was too hot
• Having the TV to myself during the day when Josh is at work (I don't have a job yet)
• Wearing different clothes to the select clothes I had with me and having my full range of accessories
• I suppose it is nice to bundle up and go outside for a walk
• Red wine by open fires

Things that are shit about being home:

• It's not Kenya
• Kenya felt more alive, everyone here seems so weary and fed up
• It's freezing
• I don't have a job
• The beach is miles away and it's freezing
• There are no matatus
• It's not Kenya

So to sum up, I think I'm doing quite well at adapting to being back in England. I can't WAIT for my first job interview!

Pause... and reflect

So I've been struck down with food poisoning which is pretty annoying as I don't have long left in Kenya and  it's pretty hard to seize the day with your stomach seizing up!

As the last few days have been a blur of antibiotics, MTV and naps, I figured now was a good time to post some photos from the last few weeks!

I cannot even imagine putting a jumper on right now. Bleurgh. I still feel like I have so much more to do in Kenya but time, money and my immune system seem to be plotting against me. SWINES!

Why don't we talk to each other in England?

Usually I write about cats and sunshine on here, but it's been a while since I wrote a blog and it's currently election time in Kenya, so my perspective has slightly changed. I still love cats, don't worry.

Every day I'm here I find something that I can learn from Kenyans. They are so genuine, so welcoming and so community spirited that it puts me and my British reserved ways to shame. Why are we so afraid of making conversation with strangers these days in England? We're so afraid of each other that we've forgotten the simple thrill of a three minute conversation with a complete stranger just in case they turn out to be a 'weirdo'.

And this isn't just me as a tourist having conversations with locals. This is what I've observed over the few months I've been here, locals greeting each other, shaking hands then holding them as they continue the conversation, not being afraid to invade personal space, climbing over each other in the matatu, parents passing their children to the conductor as they climb in and out of the matatu.

It feels like everyone knows everyone here, or they know someone who knows them and for that reason I feel safer than in England. I've seen a few examples of mob justice here, where if a pickpocket or similar criminal is seen and caught by people around them, they'll be beaten. While I might not enjoy watching this and agree with it, to me it's better than what we do in England - turn a blind eye and look the other way. We're too scared to get involved that we walk away from the situation.

I'm sure there's a whole lot wrong with the justice system here, I'm not naive and I'm not saying that Kenya is perfect, but when it comes to the general basics of treating others and you would want to be treated yourself, I'm enjoying being part of it. Maybe I'll try and strike up a conversation with a stranger on the bus back in Leeds, but knowing my luck they will actually turn out to be a weirdo.

Here's a picture of my cat to counteract this post:

In conclusion: Talking is good and it actually gets you things in life! It always help to network and have contacts but in England we've stepped away from this with the entry of fandangled technology. Our eyes are getting weaker looking at small screens and we've forgotten the art of simple conversation, instead wondering 'why is this person talking to me?' Roll with it and talk, see what happens.

So I'm flying to Kenya today...

I'm a little nervous, I'm not going to lie.

A few months ago on a cold and rainy Monday evening, the boy came to collect me from work and had sat in traffic for over an hour by the time he got to me *cue bad mood*

*Cue flashback* We'd had a weekend at friend Rachel's house in the Black Country, staying with her mum and dad, who just happen to be the coolest parents (ours aside of course!) and we got talking about how much we'd love to travel. Rachel's dad told me that he'd taken a few months off work when he was my age and it had actually HELPED his career. He also said it was the best time of his life and taught him so much.

I myself was teetering on the edge of heading off around the world but really didn't want to leave Josh behind as I knew we'd have an amazing job, but there's a huge step involved with leaving a salaried job that gives you comfort but not necessarily satisfaction.

I'd asked for a career break at work before that weekend but been told that it wasn't possible, which was fair enough as we're a small team, but that still left me with the dilemma that I wanted to travel...

On that Monday evening, we'd both had particularly shitty days at work (classic Monday stuff, nothing heavy) but twinned with sitting in heavy traffic in the cold, rainy darkness just tipped Josh over the edge. He took me straight to the pub (good lad) and we sat and had a serious chat about getting out there. He had that 'What am I doing with my life? Why am I here when I could be out there seeing the world?'

We'd talked enough. It was time for action. And red wine.

Over dinner we made a plan. I wanted to go back to Kenya (have I mentioned that I've been before?!) and live in a new country, learn a new language etc but that wasn't something Josh was as keen on, so we decided that I should go ahead and do that first and then Josh would come out to join me, we'd experience the travel life for a short time then come home and make a plan for further travels in 2014.

So I'm going. Today! I really should pack. Just a short flight to Dubai, a 3.5 hour stopover, a flight to Nairobi, a 4 hour stopover and a 1 hour flight to Mombasa and I'LL BE THERE!

See you there dudes!

Conclusion: Rain makes you quit your job, buy an umbrella.

What I Want...

There are so many things I want in life right now I thought I'd sit and get them all in a blog...

I want to be sitting on a beach watching the sunset somewhere, anywhere. I want to just sit and watch the sun dip in to the sea. If there was cool music playing, a beer and a blanket around my shoulders, I'd be fine with that.

I want to do a parachute jump. I don't but I do.

I want to stop overhearing petty conversations and squabbles that DON'T matter in the grand scheme of things. Some people have no idea what is out there and how good they have it, I don't ever want to slip in to that danger zone of normality.

I want to be snuggled up here:

I want to know where this cat came from...

I want to stop typing and go and drink some red wine.

Stopping now.

10 Things that Annoy me in the Supermarket

There's something about supermarkets that fill me with undiluted rage. To the point that I've started shopping online, but even that makes me seethe. Here's my list, hold on to your trolleys... apologies in advance for the angry tone, old chap!

1. Trolleys abandoned in the car park. Why are you excluded from putting your trolley back in the bay Sir/Madam? And why do I end up getting that trolley who has a behaviour problem and decides to veer to the right with no warning?

2. The self service machines that shout at me every single time. I’m fairly intelligent and I get by most some days without banging in to things, but I can’t seem to get through a single transaction without having to call an assistant over…sorry I'm stupid.

3. People who think its ok to pick a steak or other meats up off the shelf and dump them…in the cereal aisle. Why?

4. Requesting cash back, then both assistant and myself forgetting all about it until after you have left the premises…robbing me blind, you SWINES.

5. Buying eggs and forgetting to check they aren’t cracked. Then getting home and finding they are cracked. Grrr.

6. Taking something to the checkout that you thought was on offer, but the offer ticket was either in the wrong place or you’ve made a mistake. Huge embarrassment as you pipe up and feel like a total cheapskate.

7. People idly chatting in the aisles and TOTALLY blocking where I need to get to, especially you old ladies, I'm looking at YOU. Why do you have to stand right there and get in my way on my lunch hour? I only get one hour, you have alllllll day. Go and have a chat over a drink in the cafe or a pub somewhere.

8. Shop assistants chatting to each other as they serve customers, by all means have a chat – on your lunch break! I'm telling your manager on the way out. If I don't come over all British and bottle it.

9. They’ll have Christmas cards in the seasonal aisle by next week…watch this space.

10. Asking if I need any help with my packing, when I have two items sat waiting on the conveyor belt. No, you ROBOT.

I'm a nice person honest! I'm a raging bull in the supermarket though, so apologies in advance if I ram in to you in a supermarket with my trolley...Happy shopping!

Things that have the potential to depress me

I'm just going to get straight to it...

1. When that time of year comes around and relatives ask you what you want for your birthday/Christmas. In no way am I ungrateful, but it reminds me that a whole year has gone by since I was last asked and I can never think of anything because I'm too depressed about growing older! (Should probably be more thankful that I have things I don't need...)
2. When you tune in to the noise of a clock ticking and realise that's another second you'll never get back! (Can you sense the melancholy?)
3. When your 10 year school reunion has already gone by... do you remember talking about it in school? It doesn't seem that long ago and yet it's already passed. Time to start planning the 20 year reunion!
4. Urgh. Facebook updates about bowel movements or what you're eating (I guess the two are linked when you think about it) do you REALLY have nothing else to talk about? That's sad, man.
5. When you've been hitting the gym 3 x weekly for a few months and your jeans feel TIGHTER. Where's the justice??! I don't give a hoot if it's turning in to muscle, I want smaller jeans :)

15 Things Life's Too Short For...

1. Life’s too short to not visit that place you’ve ALWAYS wanted to go to. Are you waiting for tomorrow? What if it never comes? Is it about money? See point 6 please.

2. Life’s too short not to be happy in your job – you spend more time there than you do at your own house, what are you doing if you hate your job?

3. Life’s too short to worry about having wobbly bits. Stay healthy and don’t overdo it, but don’t kill yourself worrying about it, we’ll all be skeletons one day – I don’t want to look like one until then thank you very much!

4. Life’s too short to settle for someone who doesn’t adore you, but on that note, life’s too short to worry about following the ‘norm’ of needing someone to be complete!

5. Life’s too short to be treated like crap at work and in general life. NEVER shhhh me. I do not react well to shhhhing.

6. Life’s too short for saving money for things you’re not even sure you want

7. Life’s too short for envying someone else’s life, make your own and live it

8. Life’s too short to drive on your mobile phone. It’s 2012, you know the statistics, put it down or pull over you absolute moron.

9. Life’s too short - so why don’t you thank the person who just held the door open for you?

10. Life’s too short to have regrets, better to have given it a shot than regret not doing it!

11. Life’s too short to be scared of flying (sorry Mum but it is)

12. Life’s too short for sunbeds. Seriously? What are you doing? We KNOW that’s not a real tan, what’s so bad about your real skin? Why are you putting your own health at risk voluntarily, nay PAYING for it? Sitting in the sun isn’t safe, why would standing in a capsule of sun be safe?

13. Life’s too short not to sing at karaoke when the opportunity arises. Who’s going to care in ten minute’s time anyway? (Unless you’re really memorable like me, ahem)

14. Life’s too short for faddy diets. Guess what? You’re going to put it all straight back on once you stop the diet. Get out of my face and take your meal replacement shake with you!

15. Life’s too short to sit here writing about things life is too short for. I’m outta here!

Notice on this that I did not include ‘live every day as if it were your last’ Pah! I dread to think what would happen if I did that. I’d definitely be drunk, with a shaved head, on stage with Bryan Adams, king size Galaxy bar in one hand and totally naked, seeing as it might be my last day on this spinning ball we call home.

Got any more suggestions for me?

'Africa has never really appealed to me...'

...Is something someone said to me last night. I actually think I held it together quite well considering how much this comment bothered me. Also good considering I'd had a litre of very nice red wine and no dinner by that point too.

ARRGHHH I just don't like it when people wipe out a whole continent from their mind simply because of what they hear on the news or what they think of as rational in their hair-brained minds...

This guy followed it up with 'because the crime in Johannesburg is awful'. Yes, you're right spongehead, the WHOLE of Africa is the same as Johannesburg, anyone want to swap seats with me?

Be sure to have lots of fun on your Spanish holiday where you never leave the compound of the resort and complain that people don't speak English and there's no decent TV shows or you don't like the food...

Breathe. Count to ten.

Idiot. Travel is about opening the mind, breaking down boundaries and opening the mind. Oh, I said that already...oops.

I've seen you wearing that dress before...

I was reading Company magazine in bed this morning (perfect hangover reading fodder) and I found myself getting increasingly frustrated by the fact that magazines, and the wider media too, constantly point out a celebrity wearing *shock horror* the same article of clothing more than once! But look! She wore that bag TWO YEARS AGO - Kate Winslet, hang your head in SHAME...

The media been doing this for years and I think it has always amused me more than anything, of course they have plenty of money, why should they have to wear an item more than once? Surely they can afford to wear new underwear every day if they wanted to? In fact I do recall reading that a male A-list celebrity never wore the same pair of socks twice. Socks. Is that just indulgence, laziness or greed because he is able to afford new socks every day? If he worked in an office or stacked shelves in a supermarket there's a slim chance things might be different on the sock front methinks.

Why has it become a massive deal for anyone in the public eye to re-use their clothes? In today’s society where you have a different bin to encourage recycling and supermarkets are berating you for not bringing your own re-useable bags and heaven forbid you leave your TV on standby overnight; it seems laughable that the media are not doing their part to change this mindset that celebrities should be pinpointed if they wear the same thing more than once.

Thinking of my own meagre wardrobe, I would reach crisis point within two weeks if I had the paparazzo outside my door pointing the finger for wearing something twice. I often buy an article of clothing and wonder what the hell I wore before I owned it because I wear it so often…

I was inspired by Sheena and her Uniform Project fundraiser for children in India when she pledged to wear a little black dress for a year in support of sustainable fashion. More celebrities should take note and give this a shot themselves in my humble opinion.

Now, I am not what you might call a fashion aficionado. Haute couture might as well be a dish on a restaurant menu for all I care, and I know there’s a lot of money to be made from fashion, but it hurts my brain to think of all the intricate work that goes on to make a beautiful dress that will be worn once on the red carpet, then who knows where it goes after that?

If I buy a dress that I LOVE, I’d want to wear it again and again and again! It’s sad enough that I’ll never be able to wear my wedding dress again. In public *ahem* actually maybe there's something to be said about the wedding dress indusrty, but that can keep for another day.

Now, if someone was to tell me that all these once-worn clothes go to good homes and fulfil their clothing destiny, then potentially I’ll feel better. I hate to bring the developing world in to it, but I will. I’ve seen enough families in ripped, filthy clothes to feel strongly about this, I don’t feel this frustration is unjustified. There’s so much more that we can be doing to act responsibly when it comes to fashion and recycling what we have in our wardrobes. I’m not saying we need to send our clothes to Africa, but changing this attitude starts at the top, higher than Kate Winslet using her handbag more than once…

Oh, here’s the Uniform Project I was banging on about earlier http://www.theuniformproject.com/

 

Hat trick of shameless same dress wearage! Over and out!

I WILL be thin for this summer...

I've decided to stop drinking, or at least stop drinking during the week, or...failing that at least drink less in general. I realised that every story I told little sister Beth when she was up here the other day started with 'This one time I was hammered' or 'I was so drunk this time' etc...which isn't so good, but I quite like being merry and with the festive season approaching, it's only going to escalate.

So...I've gone and done what I never EVER thought I'd do...no, no that - naughty. I've joined a GYM! And I quite enjoy it! I've got myself kitted out in Nike sports gear (other brands are available) I've made myself a play list of dudes to help motivate me (shout outs to Tinie Tempah, David Guetta, Snoop Dogg and oddly enough, Kelly Clarkson...) and I hit the gym a few times a week, I even went on a Sunday the other week, check me out. See, I enjoy the calories too much to cut back as much as I need to, so it's good old exercise for me as a counter balance. Jessica Alba, watch out love.

What else? Ummm talking of little sister Beth, her and the other half Oli came to stay the other day, which was full of laughs. We went for tapas then on up to the Skylounge in Leeds city centre for one overpriced drink (£8 for a cocktail I tell you...sip it, don't gulp it)

Here we are, roll call!

It's fun having them to stay, we listen to a lot of good music, stay up too late on a school night and laugh a lot when they're here :)

In other news, a fun night was had by all last Saturday for my good friend and colleague Laura's birthday party, hosted at my friend, colleague and gym buddy Nayani's house, then Leeds city centre.

Laura's on the right there, this photo makes me sad though because Rachel on the left is moving hundreds of miles away soon and I won't see her five times a week unless we REALLY make an effort. Humph.

Things I'm excited about:

• Going back to 'things I'm excited about' on here, I've dropped it since getting back from Africa. I blame Africa for this and many other things...
• The in-laws are descending on Leeds/Bradford for the weekend and it's going to get messy
• Going out for dinner with the fabulous newlyweds Brunoff and Mitch (must not ask them how married life is treating them, got SO annoyed with people asking me that...)
• Plodding through my TEFL course - yes life really is that exciting for me...I'm getting my geek on and learning stuff
• Going to see Bryan Adams on December 1st. Sadly it's not just me and him in a room having dinner, but I have to tolerate whoever else has booked to see him in Sheffield...*please no one else turn up* fingers crossed. 

A true gentleman, who will be missed.

Today is one of those days that punches you in the stomach and makes you feel like you could lose your faith in human kind in a tiny moment. It also makes you realise just how short and precious life really is. Sounds like an exaggeration, perhaps so, but writing helps slightly, then I'll try Galaxy chocolate next, then bed.

I heard today that someone I met, a great man, is no longer on this planet with us, and being the emotional wreck I am, this knocked me for six. I didn't know him for all that long, but I'm the type to form attachments even if I don't see people again or talk to them all that much. Once I've met someone and got to know them, I consider them a friend, I don't think that's a bad thing.

This man took me in to his home, told me I was part of his Honduran family, tolerated my crappy Spanish and was a friendly face in a new country. I think you know when you have met and been in the presence of someone who is completely kind and a genuinely lovely person, they stay with you for a long time afterwards. Snr. Rafael was this man who I could listen to his stories for hours (and I did) always had a smile for you and loved his family very much, especially his beautiful grandson, anyone could see this. A good man is no longer with his family, and I feel so sad for them all left behind. They are a great family, all beautiful and kind.

Snr. Rafael, it was a pleasure and a privilege to have met you. Gracias. Que descanse en paz.