The Different Types of Toilets You’ll Find in Africa

During my exciting trips to Africa so far, I've stumbled across so many different types of toilets there. You're never quite sure what lurtks behind that cublicle door. Hopefully this blog will lessen the surprise and help you learn how to deal with them if you are lucky enough to encounter any...

Serengeti... baby.

For obvious reasons I haven't included photos with this blog, but stay tuned for part two later as there are more toilet types coming! I didn't want to overload you with them all at once...

The authentic African toilet – 'the squatter'

The first time you walk into a squat toilet you’re like ‘hey, where’s the loo at?’ then you look down and your heart sinks. Shite. OK here we go. The first time you use a squat toilet, it’s inevitable you’ll probably end up peeing on your shoes ladies. Guys, there’s no excuse I’m afraid.

If you feel more comfortable taking everything off from the waist down, go with it. Make it your own. After a few times, you’ll get the hang of it, a few months later you should have the thighs of a baby giraffe so stick with it. These toilets are NOT fun if you have Typhoid or any kind of dickytummybug. They’ll make you howl with homesickness.

The 101

These are like the squats but a more up to date version. Slightly. They’re called 101s because there are actual footholes with grips either side of the hole, so from above it looks like ‘101’. Nothing more technical I promise. Not only will your thighs thank you in a few months’ time, but you also get the ‘pleasure’ of seeing your ‘waste’ right there in the bowl under you if you dare look down. You get a nice hose to wash everything away – see ya!

To put a positive spin on it, I actually felt very in tune with my body using these for a while as you kind of see how healthy everything is or isn’t (I won’t go into more detail than that I think…)

The flushing 101

An even more up to date version of the squat, it’s just like a real toilet but not. It’s a 101 with a magical invention – the flush! You can weep with relief at seeing a flush! Have the toilet paper nearby, you don’t want to get in to a situation where you have to reach and lose your balance… 

The Pig Pen

Literally my lowest moment in life so far. On the bus back to Kampala in Uganda, the bus pulled in to a petrol station and the driver signalled that we had ten minutes to do our business (i.e. pee and buy crisps) then back on the bus.

I followed everyone else around the back of the petrol station and the women seemed to be using what looked like an open pig pen with a drain in the middle to pee in. Hmm. Ok. They had lovely long skirts on, I had shorts on. What’s more, a lot of these women seemed quite interested in what a Westerners ass looked like and were openly staring without shame. Oh my shame. I REALLY had to pee and it was one of those moments that make you want to book a package holiday but when a girl’s gotta go, she’s gotta go.

The roadside bush toilet

Probably my favourite of the bunch, you know where you stand with this. Get off the vehicle, find a bush, pray to God there’s nothing lurking behind it and do your stuff. This works until you need the toilet in the middle of Serengeti…

Part two is right here, ready to learn even more?

What a perfect weekend in Edinburgh looks like... on a budget

I'm mixing up a recipe for the perfect weekend in Edinburgh, I hope you like it...

Day 1: Arrival by train at Waverley Station:

Ideally the weather is cold but sunny, wrapping up warm with lots of cosy layers with zero chance of rain... but that's never going to happen so I'll accept it.

Book yourself in at the Missoni Hotel just off the Royal Mile and a stone's throw from the castle. Book in on a lucky 50% discount before staff can realise their error and whip it out of reach. Be Smug.

Spend a few minutes jumping on the bed, eating the hotel biscuits and packing the hotel toiletries safely away in your case so housekeeping replenish them. Check TV has MTV.

Head out on to the Royal Mile and step in to the Scottish sun. Underestimate Scottish wind and run back to hotel for emergency layers. Wander up the Royal Mile to the castle but don't bother going in due to extortionate entry fee and lack of desire for castle tour.

Go down the steep steps to Grassmarket and meander through the crowds taking in the sights and don't forget to look up at the beautiful buildings. Head along to Cowgate and gaze up at the bridges above you (watch out for the pigeons). Stop at the Three Sisters where you spent your Hen Do last year...

Now you're in for a steep climb (if you're not going downhill in Ed. you're going up) and stop halfway up Blair Street at The City Cafe for a retro milkshake or a bloody lovely hot chocolate that won't break the bank. Take note of this place as you're coming back for breakfast tomorrow.

Head back along the Royal Mile and explore the city and its winding alleys and tall, thin, mystifying buildings. Soak up the history and imagine what this place was like in all its stinking glory a few hundred years ago.

Eat dinner at Hanam's Turkish Restaurant (traditional Scottish grub not so much) because it's a BYO restaurant and you're on a budget. Head to Finnegan's Wake Irish Bar (traditional not so much again, but they did have bagpipes on the wall and they served Tennant's) for some serious fiddely dee jiggly jigs until closing time. Stumble in to Missoni Hotel and prove your occupancy because you don't look the type to drink there. Have one for the frog and toad. Go to bed. Jump on the bed, dance to MTV, eat minibar snacks.

Day 2: Banging headache and trying to fit Mission dressing gown in wheeley case.
Shit. I ate all the minibar snacks.

Look out window and see sunshine over Arthur's Seat. You're liking my view, no?

It's time to head to the City Cafe for a tip top breakfast, complete with haggis. Read the Sunday papers and generally do all you can to delay the Arthur's Seat climb and to get rid of those pesky stomping elephants in your brain. Somebody rinsed my brain with white wine last night! Must be the altitude.

Plod down the Royal Mile once more with less zest than yesterday. Walk past the Scottsh Parliament buildings with a confused look on your face - what's with all the wooden sticks? - and stop at the ice cream van at the bottom of the hill.

*I love how you can be right in the middle of Edinburgh one moment and then high up above the city after half an hour of serious climbing*

With Arthur's Seat ticked off your list, get yourself to a pub pronto. Might I suggest Deacon Brodie's Tavern right opposite the Missoni Hotel? Drink a half of Tennant's. Then another.

Cross the bridge in to the New Town and take a seat in the sun at Centotre and get yourself another hot chocolate, this one you need a spoon to eat it with :) oh yes!

After your hot beverage, explore the New Town and do some serious window shopping. Maybe buy a postcard if you need to buy something.

So you see, I got to know the city without having to spend crazy amounts of money on the tourist attractions. Camera Obscura? Take a hike. Edinburgh Castle? Admired from afar. Edinburgh Dungeons? The only thing that scares me about you is your prices...

I can't wait to head back again, I love you, Edinburgh.

My Favourite Africa Photos

It's official, now that Pinterest and Instagram are in my life, I feel more complete. And now that I have myself an iPhone (am I the last person to get one? I think so.) I have this at my fingertips, so I'm even more antisocial focused.

I love photos. Sometimes on a trip out or a holiday, I worry that I've spent too long behind the camera instead of just enjoying the trip for what it is, and it's important to have that balance. Overall I think I'd rather have too many photos than not enough. So there.

I thought I'd try my first photo essay type thing of my favourite photos from Africa so far, hopefully there are so many more to come:

2007: Lake Bunyonyi, Uganda

Look what the African sun did to my camera! It looks like I was there in the sixties rather than 2007. I love this photo because I have so many memories of my trip to Uganda and trying to navigate that dug out tree trunk on the water was just so funny for all of us. We didn't think we'd ever make it back to shore. Happy days.

2007: Nyakisiru, Uganda

This was our last day in the village and we had our photo taken with the elders of Nyakasiru. I had my photo taken with a 90 year old Ugandan man who, when translated, said he never thought he'd live to see the day where we had his photo taken with a white girl. Brilliant, glad to be of assistance.

2009: Mombasa, Kenya

Clearly I make a great, fascinating and lively teacher. Here are my students, asleep in class. To be fair they were only 4 years old and were far too young to be sitting in a small classroom at a desk, similar children back home here would be running around screaming and playing with jelly moulds or doing finger painting. The dude on the left later peed his pants in his sleep. Bless.

2009: Tiwi Beach, Mombasa

I don't know why I love this photo so much but it's always been one of my favourites. We went for a walk around our beach resort (Tiwi beach is beautiful but quite remote) and stumbled upon these guys who let me take their photo - asante sana rafikis! I REALLY wanted that wooden ship.

2009: Mombasa - Nairobi train, Kenya

Look at me! I'm on the Mombasa to Nairobi train. I wrote another blog all about the 15 hour train ride to Nairobi, but one of the things I really wanted was to take a picture of the train going around the bend and by jove I did! I might not have had a fandangled camera like the other people on the train, but I got the shot I wanted and then just enjoyed the view.

2011: Lake Naivasha, Kenya

This photo is cool for so many reasons (well actually, just one reason really, the giraffe) We did a walking safari after being reassured that there were no predators in the area and it was amazing. I fell in love with warthogs on this walking safari, they're just so damned funny looking, I love it.

2011: Nakuru National Park, Kenya

A true Lion King moment at the top of this hill overlooking the park. How amazing is this place? Everything the light touches is your kingdom.

2011: Tanzania (A beach somewhere)

Oh my. I just love this photo. This photo represents the one morning on this trip that I was one of the first people awake and up. Every other morning I had to be dragged from my tent so we could get going (what? I love sleep) but that morning we'd slept in a hut on the beach, so the sea woke me up and I got up to enjoy the view on my own. Serene hey?

2011: Stone Town, Zanzibar

Stone Town holds the prize of the hottest place I've been to, twinned with the place I've covered up the most in despite the heat. Out of respect for the Muslim community, my translucent skin was covered up resulting in around five outfit changes per hour. Stunning place though, you soon get tired of the winding alleys as you get completely lost and have no idea where your hotel is...

2011: Nungwi, Zanzibar

No words are needed really, just admire the picture.

The scenery there was so beautiful, it should be illegal. I HAVE to go back there.

And that's all for now! Hope you enjoyed it. Does that count as a photo essay? Let's pretend it does to make me feel better.

10 Things that Annoy me in the Supermarket

There's something about supermarkets that fill me with undiluted rage. To the point that I've started shopping online, but even that makes me seethe. Here's my list, hold on to your trolleys... apologies in advance for the angry tone, old chap!

1. Trolleys abandoned in the car park. Why are you excluded from putting your trolley back in the bay Sir/Madam? And why do I end up getting that trolley who has a behaviour problem and decides to veer to the right with no warning?

2. The self service machines that shout at me every single time. I’m fairly intelligent and I get by most some days without banging in to things, but I can’t seem to get through a single transaction without having to call an assistant over…sorry I'm stupid.

3. People who think its ok to pick a steak or other meats up off the shelf and dump them…in the cereal aisle. Why?

4. Requesting cash back, then both assistant and myself forgetting all about it until after you have left the premises…robbing me blind, you SWINES.

5. Buying eggs and forgetting to check they aren’t cracked. Then getting home and finding they are cracked. Grrr.

6. Taking something to the checkout that you thought was on offer, but the offer ticket was either in the wrong place or you’ve made a mistake. Huge embarrassment as you pipe up and feel like a total cheapskate.

7. People idly chatting in the aisles and TOTALLY blocking where I need to get to, especially you old ladies, I'm looking at YOU. Why do you have to stand right there and get in my way on my lunch hour? I only get one hour, you have alllllll day. Go and have a chat over a drink in the cafe or a pub somewhere.

8. Shop assistants chatting to each other as they serve customers, by all means have a chat – on your lunch break! I'm telling your manager on the way out. If I don't come over all British and bottle it.

9. They’ll have Christmas cards in the seasonal aisle by next week…watch this space.

10. Asking if I need any help with my packing, when I have two items sat waiting on the conveyor belt. No, you ROBOT.

I'm a nice person honest! I'm a raging bull in the supermarket though, so apologies in advance if I ram in to you in a supermarket with my trolley...Happy shopping!

The 5 Most Daring Things I've Done So Far... dum dum dum!

Sorry it's been a while since my last post. I've been training my cat for car travel and it's taking longer than expected. Bloody cat.

Anyhoo. Whilst I have travel on the brain, I have exciting news!

No, I am NOT pregnant!

We're doing a charity skydive at work. Not at work technically, that would be the lamest skydive ever. No, the drop location is yet to be announced but we're all throwing ourselves out of a plane in the next few months. Scary hey?

It got me thinking that I've done some scary/daring stuff already in my life, am I tempting fate by signing myself up for yet another risky activity?

I figure life's too short to spend it hiding away 'just in case'... it's better to live it than worry about it!

So in no particular order, but starting with the scariest first, I give you my list:

1. Camping in the Serengeti, Tanzania

Ain't no lions getting in my tent!

Woah. Poopantsville this one. It was one of those moments I thought to myself 'What the hell are you doing spending the night in the Serengeti in a tent?!!!' and I honestly didn't think I'd last the night but it was reassuringly uneventful. The camp was completely open and there were zebra all around us but no sign of any KatieEaters. We sat around the campfire hearing stories about tour guides waking up in the night to find lions around the fire... gulp. My recipe for surviving a night in the Serengeti? 1 beer, 2 sleeping pills and some sturdy earplugs. You'll soon wake up to sunrise feeling like a hero.

It wasn't until the next night where we camped at the Ngorogoro Crater and a fully grown elephant appeared a few feet away from our truck that it sank in just how cool this was. TIP - If you ever find yourself being chased by an elephant, just run in diagonal lines and you'll soon lose them. Or is that a rhino?

2. Flying solo across the world

Sadly not like Amelia Earhart, I was just a passenger, this time. No, I flew to Honduras a few years ago, and not only was it my first flight alone but I had THREE flights to catch (SIX if you think about the return journey as well mmm hmmmm) 19 hours and THREE planes later I was feeling mighty proud of myself let me tell you.

Two main horror stories were the guy who I sat next to asking me if I wanted to watch Air Crash Investigation with him on his laptop (true story) and the final flight after two long previous flights turned out to be the equivalent of a paper airplane, it was the size of a private jet on a windy night. My nerves were shot to shit after that long journey, but I calmed down pretty quickly with a glass of wine in my paw.

3. Zip Lining in Honduras

While I'm talking about Honduras, I'll drop in the absolutely insane and completely unsafe amazing zip line/canopy tour I did in Copan. I hear you guffawing 'that's not daring!' but if you'd care to watch my video and stay tuned until the camera pans around, I suspect you might think otherwise. Especially when you get to the end of the line and note that the wire that is the difference between life and death has been wrapped around a DEAD TREE. Don't tell my Mum.

One guy we were with got wire burns because they let him do the course in the dark and he didn't see the end of the wire and slammed full speed in to the tree. They made him finish the course because there was no other way down. Ouchville.

4. Still with me? Impressed at all? How about visiting a Mexican Doctor who used Google Translate to treat me?

This one is SO weird. I got an infection on my leg from a open scar (quick sick story that still makes me retch...I was sunbathing and looked down to see A FLY SITTING RIGHT ON THE OPEN WOUND!) Anyway, I needed antibiotics and quick, and found a Mexican doctor. My Spanish is fine if I need to order a cerveza or get the bill, but explaining the situation to the Doc was going to be tricky.

Luckily for me, he had an iPhone! We conversed through Google Translate for a while, I got my pills (to this day I don't know if they were antibiotics) and as I was about to leave, he called me back for one more translation which was 'Don't eat pig during the healing process' ... *blank look from me* 'sorry, pig?' nodding from the Doctor. I checked with a doctor when I got home and in his many years of practicing medicine, he has not come across this seemingly Pig-ist reaction. But I'm open to any comments from anyone in the medical profession!

5. I got married.

Collective puking from readers! Whatever.

I still maintain that buying a house is more of a commitment than getting married, but it's the most intense and full on day of my entire life, no regrets as yet my friends! Married life is NO different to life before, but with this weekend comes wedding anniversary #1 and it's been a fab year. Thank you for bearing with me, I kept it short on purpose.

So, I'll leave it on that note. I'd LOVE to hear what your most daring moments are and I'll let you know how the parachute jump goes. I REALLY hope I don't get the work experience guy rolling up my parachute...

Getting out of the rut - trying 5 new things in Leeds!

When you live somewhere for a while, it's all too easy to get stuck in a rut. When you try somewhere new in your city, there's always a 50/50 chance you'll love it or hate it. Or maybe it'll be 'just ok' which is even worse, not to have an opinion on something.

(I can't get on board with people who don't have an opinion on things... I have an opinion on EVERYTHING. But that's me. Hello.)

So when you have such precious little spare time because WORK keeps getting in the way of your social life, sometimes it's easier to just go somewhere you know you'll enjoy, somewhere that's comfortable, somewhere everbody knows your name (or at least your food order. Gulp. I'm known in one curry house in Leeds as 'lamb saag girl' - shudder.)

This weekend I made a stand.

"No! I will not fester away in comfort! I will instead have an adventure in my city (it's not actually my city) that I think I know so well but don't actually know all that much about"

So I decided to do 5 brand new things in one day in Leeds:

1. Take a new and alternative route:

I won't bore you with the mundane deets, but normally I'd take the bus in to Leeds city centre. Exciting, non? Well not today, bus driver! I took the bridleway and walked instead. Yep, on foot and everything.

A pied!

My shoes took a beating in the mud, but I took a new path and burnt a few calorie enemies.

Which leads me on to my second new thing...

    2. Visit a new cafe and eat a huge slice of cake

It's a tough life, this life of mine.

I'd known about the Tiled Hall Cafe in Leeds City Art Gallery (that's a lot of capital letters right there) for a long time but never quite made it there in my spare time. So when my friend started working there, I figured I'd add it to my list of places to visit. It's rather lovely.

I maintain carrot cake is healthy as it contains carrots...

The cake is more than alright too, well worth a visit. Plus, a giant teapot of Yorkshire Tea (the ONLY tea worth drinking) is only £1.80. Brillo.

     3. Visit a cathedral

I think it's a cathedral anyway, I just saw it and thought 'I've never been in there before, so I'm going in there today.'

Shhhhhhhhhh!

Not much to report here, I like churches and cathedrals as much as the next person but there's no beer or cake to sample, so after I'd lit a candle for my Nan, we were off. Whistlestop indeed! I AM IN LOVE WITH INSTAGRAM BY THE WAY.

     4. Visit a museum (free entry, naturally)

I'm quite partial to a museum, but only if part of the exhibits include some reference to Victorian sewage systems or horrible crimes committed with subsequent gruesome punishments (I know, it's not normal) so it was with glee I discovered the Leeds City Museum:

Leeds. City. Museum. Wonder what's in there then?

Hee hee!

It's actually quite liberating to go to a museum without your parents. I used to run around them as a kid yelling 'boring, boring, boring - where's the gift shop so I can buy a pencil?' etc. generally making a real nuisance of yourself and offending every single staff member and visitor in the process.

My Dad however, is one of those types who reads EEEEEEEEVERYTHING, even the hand washing signs as you leave the toilets. Anyone else have a parent like that?

So I ran around this museum as quickly as possible, found the most gruesome of stories to read, ran around the gift shop and ticked number four off my list. Yays.


5. Eat an entire meal with chopsticks (smug face)

I've been to two different branches of Wagamama's (that has to be the MOST therapeutic of words to type surely) but neither of them are Leeds based. So I thought I'd keep it local for my fifth new thing. Yes that totally counts.

For those of you who know me, you'll know about my freaky amazing thumb with no muscles, so you'll be surprised to hear that I CAN use chopsticks, and not those training chopsticks they bring round for newbies either, real grown up chopsticks.

Cue chopstick action shot!

A girl's gotta eat...

And that was a summary (albeit an extended one) of my five new things in my city. I hope I've encouraged you to abandon your local, just for one night and try something new! Let me know if you do!

Oh my God, I actually rhymed without intention there. 100% cool.

No TV for one month??!

What did I do that was so bad I deserved that, I hear you cry?

I'll tell you dear reader, I lived in Uganda and came nowhere near a TV for four straight weeks.

Want to know a secret?

I didn't miss it one bit. I really didn't. I mean it!

When you're living in a tiny village in Uganda where your electricity comes from solar power, your water supply comes from rainwater collected and your evening entertainment comes from chattting around a campfire under a blanket of stars, you kinda learn to do without a lot of things you thought you NEEDED back home.

Before I went to Uganda, my idea of a far flung holiday was to fly somewhere all inclusive, sit on the beach for a week (or two if I'd been a good girl ha ha) and then I'd come home having ticked that place off my list. The only place I'd seen was the stretch between the airport and hotel, the only people I'd met were the ones working in the travel industry.

Yet here I found myself and four others like me, in the middle of nowhere and I bloody loved it. Every minute of it. We were teaching in the school next door during their summer holidays and generally being gawped at by everyone who came near us. The gawping was down to the fact that we were the first westerners to have ever been to the village, so they'd never seen anything like us in their lives.

During the four weeks, the five of us learnt:

• How to make and cook chappatis
• How to light and maintain our own campfire (a big deal!)
• How to cook meals using only two gas hobs and no fridge to store ingredients in
• How to brave a freezing cold, open aired shower (just get on with it)
• How to educate 200 children who speak only basic English
• How to walk with baskets on our heads like our new friends did

We knew we'd spent long enough in Uganda when a cow just moseyed on by down the street past us as we were drinking in a cafe and we just gave it a second glance. True locals now, look at us.

Home @ Teach Inn Uganda

During the four weeks we went without TV, the main things that apparently happened back in England were that:

• Maddy McCann went missing
• England lost the Eurovision Song Contest (duh)
• Neighbours moved to Channel 5

We exchanged emails with those back home who updated us about what we were missing, and we replied with updates such as 'Oh Katie's had Typhoid, Angela has one sunburnt toe and we've been a to a nightclub where we were the only westerners, you know, the usual'

It's amazing how time passes when you're away from home. It felt like after two weeks we'd been there for ages and ages and ages and ages. You get my point. The halfway point of our trip came and the last two weeks slipped away from us far too quickly (time flies when you have Typhoid).

Leaving the village in Uganda was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and being just another tourist in Uganda felt horrible after that, we all wanted to go back where everyone knew something resembling our names.

We checked in to a hotel altogether and shared one big dorm room, the first thing we did was switch the TV on. Ahhhhh TV. We sat in silence for about three hours and although the only English channel
we could get was Sky news which was rolling about six stories in a loop, we lapped it up. If that TV was a drink we'd had drank it dry. We hated what we'd become but knew we were shortly going back home where water came from a tap, electricity came from god knows where, but was available at the flick of a switch. We might as well sit and watch TV if there was no campfire available.
I miss Uganda.